BRAINWASHING〜12 YEARS OF HELL: CHAPTER 3
Masaya and Moritani’s total control It was October 10, 1998. On the day of my 33th birthday, under
Masaya’s order, my office, “Yes Music Company” went through a name change, becoming “Toshi
Office Company”. The new structure was under Masaya and Moritani’s total control. I was
representative of the company, but that was only a name. Essentially, I had no authority, the influx of
money was entirely managed by Masaya and Moritani’s power. In the end, I only worked to get money
for them. That was the “good deed” I could do as an ‘egomaniac’. The company’s accounting, at first,
was done by Masaya’s old acquaintance, M. However, the accounting was actually under Moritani’s
and Home of Heart manager Suzuta’s control. An ex Home of Heart staff member, Ueda(name has
been changed to protect identity), was called back by Masaya. He assumed the position to be my
manager and their supervisor. As office staff, another ex Home of Heart staff, Shioda(name has been
changed to protect identity), a woman in her fifties, was also called back. The office building moved
as well, under Masaya’s order, because “it is a waste of rent”. It moved to my own house. Under the
pretense of being “employees”, Ueda and Shioda began living in my house. They didn’t get paid a
salary either, but instead, they could attend the seminars. The contract for the record company which
also worked together with the office was canceled, and for violation of contract, I promised to pay ten
million Yen in divided payments. Once this contract was canceled, it was transferred to Home of Heart.
With the end of all relationship I had with my family, I was now anxious about my new life, but at the
same time, I felt a glimmer of hope, thinking that this was one step forward to being independent. For
that, I must study what Masaya teaches, and for all troubles I caused to him and Moritani, I should
repay with “good deeds”, I thought. But, not even in a dream I thought that this was the beginning of
the road to destruction.
The reward One freezing night, in the end of November, I went to the seminar in my usual black
training wear. I took out from my closet a knee length black coat and worn it over my outfit. Like that,
I went to Home of Heart. That night, after the seminar, the abuse and violence happened again, but
this time, even my coat became a topic of problem.
“Those visual rock egomaniacs, always wearing black because their heart is black. You look like
Dracula, that’s just disgusting! Only people who are afraid and egomaniacs like wearing black! ” They
said many other things. When the seminar ended, as I was leaving, Masaya wore my coat, and imitated
me, singing. The female staff members gathered in the basement room all laughed. Masaya lived with
about 30 women in the Home of Heart headquarters. There also lived minors and infants. The main
factor that I could talk about my feelings to Masaya, was that sometimes he would show me a very
innocent side. As Masaya returned my coat, I left Home of Heart. Outside was very cold, but I did not
wear the coat. Holding it in my hands, I walked over the car in the parking lot. In the car, like always,
Masaya’s recorded lecture tape played. As I drove in silence, beside me, Moritani, who was coming
back home since a long time, looked straight to the front, her eyes tearing up. “Masaya saved you
from that family of yours, who didn’t love you and only used you to make money. Without your
brothers, we feel relief. But to media, Masaya and Home of Heart are seen as a cult religion, lost all
credibility and can’t do business any more, there’s no money getting in, we can’t even afford to eat a
meal!” Turning right to the intersection from national highway 246 to Setagaya, stopping at a red light,
Moritani turned to look at me. As her tears fell, she said, “However much money you pay Masaya, it
will never be enough! It’s now your turn to save Masaya and Home of Heart with as much as you can.
If you don’t do that, you’re not a man! Much more so, for the people you love, you have to be serious
and lose yourself doing this! I can’t help with anything, but you can attend the seminar trainings with
more urgency and support with all your energy!” Moritani made the appeal with a sad expression. My
heart was struck with such innocence. “Ok, I’ll do all I can.” I felt a great deal of responsibility stepping
over me, and I was full of apologetic sentiment to both Masaya and Moritani. The next day,
immediately, I sought for a way to make money. Money from my company and my own personal
money were already too scarce. Suzuta of Home of Heart advised me to loan a business fund from the
national finance corporation and for that, Suzuta helped me with the documents and I got the loan. I
also received more advice to loan money from the bank for such things like “buy a painting”. At the
time, I went to the Setagaya branch of Fuji Bank to get more loans. At the national finance corporation,
I loaned 5,000,000 Yen. At Fuji Bank, 3,000,000 Yen. Most of that money was paid to Home of Heart.
“None of this is enough! You should still be able to get more!” Moritani encouraged me. This time, I
loaned money from friends. I had no choice but to be afraid, as I had no previous experience of loaning
money from someone I knew. “Practice loss! Practice shame! The more embarrassment, the more
your ego subsides!”
Masaya scolded me, I gathered some courage and contacted a friend by telephone. I was refused by
many, but many stopped to listen to what I said. “I was crushed by the media. And now, to start a new
project, money is a necessity. Please, lend me your help.” I asked with humility, but the answer was
unanimous. “Isn’t this money going to some strange cult?” “No, definitely not. Those lies were all
made up by my brother!” I explained desperately. “Well, if you say so, I’ll try to do something.”
Eventually, I managed to loan the total sum of 20 million Yen from many of these people, yet, mostly
all of that money was paid to Home of Heart. When Masaya said, “When you cast your ego aside and
do this simply, the results show”, I felt happy. Even when Moritani said in encouragement, “Wow! You
can still do more!”, I felt happy as well. After that, I sold and put for online auction many of the stage
costumes I had at home, many souvenirs and prizes that X Japan won, and even the trophy X Japan
received when we participated in NHK’s Red and White song contest. I even started selling furniture
in my house to pay Home of Heart more money. Masaya said, “Your egomania is useless”, and to
gather even more money, I canceled my life insurance. One night in December 1998, after gathering
as much money as I could, as the seminar ended, Masaya told me. “I wrote a song for you. Want to
hear it?” “Yes.” I replied immediately. Masaya sang as he played an acoustic guitar. Before I knew it,
Home of Heart’s basement room, where the seminars happened, was packed with the female Staff
members. They heard the song prostrated before Masaya. When the song ended, I, Moritani, and the
staff all cried loudly. When Masaya finished singing, he said. “Sing this song, and heal all of the people
in Japan who have been hurt like you. Home of Heart will release your CD. Live truthfully from now
on. ” “Thank you so much. I’m so sorry...” I apologized as I cried loudly.
Touring begins The new single was scheduled for release in early January 1999. Under Masaya’s
instruction, in late January, Ueda, my manager, and I would fly to all corners of the country to promote
the single. Just like in the days of the ‘Brainwashing uproar’, we would actively take interviews with
the media of many areas and explain the circumstances of “brainwashing uproar”, advertising the new
song. At release of the single CD, the media from Kumamoto introduced me to a local music store,
where a CD signing event would take place. At the signing day, there were more people waiting to see
me there than I thought would be. Without make up, without costumes, without sunglasses, I was an
entirely different person than one imagined of the ‘visual’ rock style. I wore a light brown, tartan check
button down shirt, beige cotton pants, my shoes were loafers, and wrapped in my shoulders was of
course a light brown cotton sweater. To avoid as much as possible further “problems” with fashion, I
tried all I could to dress like Masaya, but in the end, that also became a “problem topic” in their
violence and abuse. Appearing in public with that appearance caused commotion between the people
at the store, some of them burst into applause. I sat in a chair that was placed at the corridor of the
CD shop and greeted them, “Hello everyone from Kumamoto. I’m Toshi...” I started telling them the
story of how I had an unhappy childhood, my inferiority complex, how I became a rock star but there
wasn’t any happiness in that, and how I met Masaya’s music and it changed my life. Then, I played the
guitar and sang. “That Toshi from X Japan is singing at a local CD shop” As I performed in this event,
the rumor spread and in no time, many more people came to the store, a line of people formed outside
the CD shop. I started to sign the CDs, all of the 200 copies sold out successfully. The 200,000 Yen
resulting of these sales, immediately went to Moritani’s controlled bank account in the next day. By
doing this, Masaya had found out yet another way to make money, and ‘false’ touring, consisting of
mini concerts and CD signing events under the name of 「詩旅~うたたび〜」(“Song Travel“). CD
shops, shopping centers, supermarkets, musical instrument stores, rental video stores, inside these
stores, outside these stores... Anywhere that there could be an event, I would ask for an appointment,
in all business places of the country, as long as if there were people who would be there to pay. After
that, one after the other, expensive CDs were released, I would also perform independent concerts,
request more events, and held periodic concerts all over the country. As long there were people to
pay money for it, there was work every day. In that time, I also took numerous interviews with the
media, in the effort to wipe away the ‘brainwashing uproar’. Starting he year of 1999, I had a lot of
local work, and there was little opportunity to go back home, so Moritani was living full time together
with Masaya. Besides the basement room where the seminars happened, the Home of Heart
headquarters prohibited all men except for Masaya himself. I didn’t know how Moritani’s day to day
life was, but I prayed that she was studying hard and training Masaya’s teachings. In the two years
between 1999 and 2001, I went to over 500 places throughout the country as part of the touring. The
money from that also increased gradually. During 2001, I was making 10 to 20 million Yen alone. A
minimum from that value was spent with my living expenses and other expenses, under Home of
Heart staff Suzuta’s order, the rest all went into a bank account and Moritani would manage it. But
the money for my personal loans and company taxes and loans was never paid. Without knowing it,
my personal and company debts only grew...
Reality of the fake volunteer work From the year 2001, the touring business also spread from CD shops
and other stores to an elderly welfare institution. At the end of 2000 to the New Year’s day of 2001, I
went to a Home of Heart in the city of Nasu to attend ‘Master Training’. It was the final day. Masaya
said, “As you still have time, use that time to go to visit the elderly and heal them. Your training is to
go to these places that X Japan wasn’t well known”. Superficially, that was only fake volunteer work,
it was nothing but an order to go raise the sales of CDs and other products. By late 2000, the sales in
CD shops, shopping centers and other stores countrywide had reached the peak. Perhaps Masaya was
now aiming to do business in welfare institutions as a breakthrough solution. Immediately, a volunteer
visit was arranged at an elderly health institution located in Yokohama, as a end of year mini concert.
Being my first visit to a welfare institution, naturally I was nervous. Just like Masaya said, it was an
environment where no one had heard of X Japan before. I became very anxious. The place where the
concert would happen was at a small lobby space. There, I adjusted the microphone from a set of
karaoke equipment, put on the guitar strings, and adjusted the sound settings. As I did that, I thought.
(What will they think of me...? Maybe they’ll say they won’t listen anymore halfway and leave... They
may get angry and say that it’s annoying...) I was struck by a feeling of nervousness that I did not even
feel when performing to 50.000 people at the Tokyo Dome. The elderly spectators started to arrive
and take their places on the previously lined up chairs. Also, about 10 of them came on wheelchairs.
The first row was made up by the wheelchair users, and they all looked at me with suspicion. That
time, the staff explained closely to a lady’s ear, in a loud voice, that “A former member of X Japan is
going to sing”. The lady nodded, but I wonder if she knew. It was finally time to start the performance,
and I appeared before the audience. There were about 30 of the elderly present in both chairs and
wheelchairs, and around them, 30 of staff and those who I suppose are the family members. “Hello
everyone. My name is Toshi. Previously, I sang in a rock group, X Japan.” I told them about my
childhood, being bullied by my siblings, my inferiority complex, having another complex because of
my appearance. Then, how I became a rock star, but in reality that was all empty and turned out to be
a battle for my artistic rights. “Recently, my brother, who wants to have my artistic rights, used the
media with bad intentions, calling me a brainwashed man, even though that isn’t true, also attacking
the person who saved my life with lies. I’m already out of that battle for artistic rights, I just want to
live a simple life from now on. I just want to sing the kind of true songs that saved my life.” A man in
a wheelchair in the first row cried loudly. A very elegant looking woman in the third row also wiped
her tears with a handkerchief. Another lady in a wheelchair cried. The family members and the staff
members also cried. When the performance ended, I left the guitar on my chair, and without too much
thought, I approached the man who cried in the first row. I shook his hands. The old man couldn’t
speak clearly, but I am sure that he said, “Thank you”. I replied, “Thank you sir...”
Then, I heard from many of the audience members, “Please, shake hands with me as well”, as they
extended out their arms. I went to each of them. “Thank you, lady...” Until that, it all went very well.
But, the family members and staff formed a line to buy the CDs at a stand. The elderly also seemed
interested in purchasing the CDs. The director of the institution also purchased Masaya’s BGM CD. The
sales went up to 100,000 Yen. Of course, the purpose of this was to sell the CDs using the pretext of
volunteer work. Go to an elderly welfare institution and make them happy. That alone was a good
thing to do, probably. But the real goal was only to raise the sales. Singing these songs, telling an
emotional story, would certainly make anyone feel sad and the pain of loneliness, the family members
of these lonely elderly people, the very hardworking staff member. Surely, anyone would cry. Then,
make these people, in that emotional state, buy the products. This was even worse than a fraud, I was
pretending to be a ‘good’ person. As I was in conflict with my own hypocrisy, I had a smile on my face,
signing each of the purchased CDs. In fear of suffering that terrible violence and verbal abuse if I didn’t
give the money of these sales to Moritani... In fear that if I separated from Masaya, my life would turn
back into the hell it was... With the responsibility in mind that because of my family, Masaya and the
others of Home of Heart had went through so much troubles that now they couldn’t even afford
food... A sense of duty that I should spread Masaya’s music to all people... Thinking that if people paid
for a genuine work like Masaya’s music, it would contribute to their own good... Many mixed feelings
went through my mind. In the end, I got my hands dirty with the cowardly action of exploiting people’s
weaknesses. But it continued to all of the elderly welfare institutions of the country, welfare
institutions for people with disabilities, orphanages, hospitals and medical care facilities, prisons,
reform schools. In one day, I visited roughly 5 or 6 places. From the 5 year space to the year of 2005,
I visited 5000 institutions and more, selling products. I believe that the amount sold in that period was
not less than three hundred million Yen. Of course, without the except of a minimum to cover my
living expense, with the order of Moritani or Suzuta, I would go to the bank and all of this money would
go to Moritani. In that time, since early in the morning, I held a suitcase full of CDs, a guitar case, and
went over to many places to sing. This was harsh labor, and I didn’t even have time to rest, as even as
I was walking or in transport, I would get abusive calls from Moritani. The phone calls continued from
late night to early morning. If I slept plenty, it would be at around 4 hours of sleep. If I slept little, it
would be around 1 or 2 hours of sleep. I didn’t have time for myself or even a day off. I crossed my
physical and mental limits. My money, mind, physical force and judgment were all stolen. I was chosen
to be Moritani and Masaya’s money making robot.
Discovery of the child abuse case “Is there child abuse at Home of Heart!?” Suddenly, I saw a television
camera and a reporter with a microphone dashing towards me. It was June 2004, at the end of an
event, when I was about to get in a taxi. I was surprised with the suddenness of it all, but I was already
annoyed with the media from the days of ‘brainwashing turmoil’. I told the driver, with fast paced
words, to “please hurry out of here”. As the driver closed the car’s automatic door, the reporter held
the door with his extended hand, pushing the microphone to me. “What’s the truth about the child
abuse?” “Huh?” I had no idea what he was saying, and as I tried to close the door, the man entered
the car halfway, in a way such that the door wouldn’t close, pushing the microphone to my face, it
almost hit my nose. Beyond his back, the television camera was also in front of my eyes. I thought that
they were doing this in a kind of rude manner, but of course they wanted me to have an emotional
reaction. I said in a calm tone of voice. “This is all very sudden. This is dangerous, so please move over
there.” The reporter yelled in a rough way. “Is it true that Home of Heart and Toshi Office are
committing child abuse?” “No such thing is happening! Please move over!” I tried to close the door,
but he wouldn’t move at all from the door space. He pushed the microphone to my face again, the
camera also approached. Because of that, I raised my voice, irritated. “That’s enough!” With my
emotional response and expression, he finally got out of the car. Soon as the taxi sped up, I thought
that I must contact Moritani right away. I was terrified that this new case would become material for
their violence and abuse. For a moment, I hesitated. But after four years since negative attacks from
the media, I pressed the dial button on the mobile phone nervously. “Abuse?” As Moritani heard the
an outline of the situation, she immediately said in a cold tone, “I will contact Masaya right now”. With
the taxi in movement, I was terrified, thinking about what kind of things she would tell Masaya. After
10 minutes or so, my mobile phone rang. It was Moritani. “For now, contact a lawyer, inform the
situation. Are you going somewhere now?” “Yes, I’m in a moving taxi.” “Ok, contact us later.” I was
afraid of what kind of things the media was stirring up. But what frightened me more than the media
was how violent the abuse from Moritani and Masaya would become. The next day, I was in the city
of Asuke in Aichi prefecture. I was in the city, near the Kourankei valley, famous for its autumnal
scenery, to perform a concert. The first floor of the place was a blacksmith business that had been
established back in the Edo period. The second floor was a cafe where I would perform. It was an
eccentric place, but at the same time, it felt like home. The owner greeted me with a smile. “It’s still
cold around here, huh? Looking forward to the concert.” “Yes, I’ll do my best.” In the area of
mountains, even though it was already past spring, that day was very cold as if freezing. The sky was
deep blue, the air was clear. “Huuh...” Without realizing, I inhaled deeply the fresh air that should
improve my mood, but because of yesterday’s happening, it turned into a sigh. I had two events for
the day and night. The cafe was crowded with about 50 people. When I returned to the dressing room
after the end of the day’s performance, my mobile phone rang. “The child consultation center and the
police are coming here now. They’re also going to Toshi Office. They’re taking the children.” I rarely
ever got a phone call directly from Masaya, his voice on the phone surprised me. The place he referred
to as ‘here’ was the new address from where Home of Heart and Toshi Office moved to in August of
2001. Before it was located at Tokyo Minato, Minamiasa and now it was at Tochigi prefecture in the
city of Nasu. ‘Here’ was a room in an apartment located in Nasu’s neighboor city of Kuroiso(Now, Nasu
Shiobara). Masaya was probably making the call from his personal room at the headquarters. He
talked almost whispering, as if to hide the contents of the conversation to anyone outside, denoting
how serious the issue was. “Moritani is now holding the baby in resistance to the child consultation
center so they don’t take her away.” The baby Masaya speaks of is a girl born out of a relationship
with one of the staff. “What?!” I was in another room near the dressing room, feeling the cold air. I
was at a loss for words. “Lawyer Kito and the others already set the traps! Because of you, even the
children are being taken away!” Masaya said that and ended the call. Like in the time of ‘brainwashing
turmoil’, the media was also involved in this case, and lawyer Kito, knowing of Home of Heart’s
dangerous nature, informed Tochigi prefecture’s child consultation center that “Masaya has ordered
the children’s mothers who live with him to not let the children go to school. The children are made
to work forcibly. They are restricted from going out. At the related ‘Toshi Office’, it is reported as child
abuse that a mother, in accordance to Masaya’s teachings, is raising a two year old boy in a cardboard
box of about 1 meter wide and tall.”. The consultation center started an investigation with these
reports.