Anyway, i hate Masaya, and i'll always will. And i love Toshi, and i always will no mater what. He could be even fans-eating-monster and still i'll love him. And he always will have part of my heart.
I know this is quite old post but as I read it, I somehow felt strong need to express my opinion:
No, you don't love him. You love an abstract, idealized image of someone, who he pretended to be. And this is quite selfish, to have someone as a mind "toy" and be angry with him when he doesn't fullfill your expectations.
Maybe I'm naive, but to love someone truly means to do it without any conditions. To let the person go if he/she wants. Even if it contains "only" healing concerts for old people or children without parents and no stuff like - let me quote you again: "Toshi should scream like crazy, and be next to Yoshiki and wear lether pants.. Very Happy"
Even if Masaya was the manipulator, where is the difference between you and him in this case?
By the way, another expression for "brainwashing" there is "growing up".
But no, he left you for ten years without new X songs, so he is automatically considered to be a retard. I get it.