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Fashion series: the Who Wore It Better thread

matsumoto · 686

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Offline matsumoto

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on: August 03, 2018, 12:45:05 PM
Ever noticed how in the land of sushi, maneki nekos and cringy animated pornography bands seem to think cosplaying other bands is a totally okay thing to do? According to our sources, they call it inspiration and don’t give a fig if it’s been done to death before. Really. Got evidence of copycatting or clothes-swapping in the J-rock scene? Let us know in this thread!

The Purple Jumper
Inoran (Luna Sea) vs. Hide vs. Yoshiki (X Japan)

On Wednesdays we wear purple!

In every group of friends there’s this one jumper you call The Jumper. It’s usually a ratty old jumper that lives in its very own dank and humid ecosystem, stuffed inside a drawer at the very back of somebody’s wardrobe, in the company of three mismatched socks, a feather boa that you got at a bachelorette party (even if the couple have since divorced), and a stash of magazines you wouldn't want your mum to find. The Jumper is never really washed and it’s very likely to sport a couple of vomit stains from that one time your cousin Bob got drunk and barfed on you. The Jumper is also the official item your friends borrow when they sleep over, when they are cold, or when they think you’re so cool they can’t help but scour your wardrobe for statement pieces that they think could elevate them to your level of coolness. Well, Hide had such a jumper. It was purple and if you had been part of the visual kei scene in the late 80s, you sure would have borrowed it from him at least once. Fun fact? Hide liked this jumper so much he also bought it in red and pink. Because when Hide liked something, Hide got the same of it in all available colours. Relatable.

Who Wore It Better? Hide. He’s the only one who can pull off the fugly sweater look. He styled it with a bunch of fugly beaded jewelry, fugly square shades and a fugly hat. If it was anyone else, they’d look like a slob, but since this was Hide, he was burstin’ with swag.

The Little Black Scarf
Yoshiki vs.Toshi (X Japan)

Copycatting? No thanks, we’d rather join a cult!

Thanks Kween for spotting this one! This picture of Toshi was taken outside of a restaurant while the band was on tour in Germany. Here’s the story behind it: Toshi was eating the most delicious Prinzregententorte (try to pronounce that, I dare you) that had ever graced his taste buds when he accidentally dropped it down the front of his shirt. Hey bro, he asked his BFF Yoshiki, since you don’t mind disrobing in public, could I please borrow your clothes? Yoshiki sure didn’t mind (actually he needed a good excuse to show the world that Manson was totes right when he said he looked like a pretty girl/Brad Pitt hybrid). So that’s how Toshi got into this outfit. Okay, fine. We don’t know if it actually happened like this, but it’s quite plausible, don’t you think?

Who Wore It Better? Yoshiki. While we greatly appreciate Toshi’s efforts to stay away from his signature disco ball look, the hair and the ~~disco dad~~ shades ruin it all.

The Knockoff Pink Spider
Sugizo (Luna Sea) vs. Ruki (The Gazette) vs. Die (Dir en Grey) vs. Aoi (The Gazette) vs. Kaoru (Dir en Grey) vs. Imai (Buck-Tick)

Actually, on Wednesdays we wear PINK!

I know, I know, I know. It’s a tribute. It’s sweet of those guys to wear their idol’s ‘do. Really. Bless their heart. But for the sake of argument, you can pay tribute to people in many ways, no need to copycat their ‘do. My uncle Jim kicked the bucket last month. I would totally love to wear his ‘do, but the poor chap was bald. Okay. we’re being mean, kids are going to get all worked up and call us terrible human beings. I should do a green juice cleanse to get rid of all the toxic blasphemy in my system.

Who wore it better? Sugizo. He was Hide’s BFF, if anyone’s got the right to recreate this iconic ‘do, it sure is him. Imai, we'll consider forgiving you too. As for the rest of the #knockoffbois, we found them floating in a deep dark sea called Pinterest and we don’t really know who they are.

The Snakeskin tattoo
Cipher (D’erlanger) vs. Die (Dir en Grey)

Originality is our middle name.

Back in my day, kids all wanted unique tattoos. And by unique I mean something they doodled on the margins of their notebooks during math class (bonus points if it was a wiener). Fine, you don’t need to go such great lengths to embrace your uniqueness. You can get tattoos inspired by other people’s tattoos. You can tattoo your idol’s face on your left armpit. You can tattoo your mum’s face on your right butt cheek. But seriously, please don’t get the exact. same. tattoo. as. somebody. else. Unless they’re your BFF and you’re getting inked together. Otherwise it’s corny. It’s lame. It’s obvious. It’s dumb.

Who wore it better? Do you even need to ask? Cipher, of course. That’s some cool ink, bro. If you wanna prank that bloody brat, get some fake ink on your privates and send him a pic. See if he copycats that one too.

The Fragile Drummer
Yoshiki (X Japan) vs. Shinya (Dir en Grey)

That jacket rings a bell, btw.

Let us guess. So you’re a delicate little flower of a drummer in a metal band with a red-haired guitarist, a shrieky five-feet-tall vocalist and a starving bassist (does no one ever think of feeding the poor bassists?). You sport a fab shade of fake blonde, you have an inexplicable fondness for stuffed animals, Farrah Fawcett and coloured contacts. You sometimes swap clothes with Toshi and to top it off, you’re BFFs with Hyde. Yup, either you’re Yoshiki or his minion Shinya.

Who wore it better? Yoshiki. Fool thyselves not, he may look like a dandelion, but he can dive face-first into his drum set and live to tell the story. Sorry minion, we’ll speak again when you have your own Hello Kitty doll.

The Daddy ‘do
Ryuichi (Luna Sea) vs.Teru (Glay) vs. Sakurai (Buck-Tick) vs. Cipher (D’erlanger)

*Flips bangs to the left dramatically*

Are you in your 50s? Do you have a band? Was your band a big deal in the 90s? Did you sport a crazy hairstyle back then? Do you still cry about it when you look in the mirror? If you answered yes to all, congrats! You are eligible for the daddy ‘do! The daddy ‘do is actually a pretty simple haircut with layers and bangs flipped to the left (what happens if you flip them to the right? new world order?) There’s a big chance these four blokes all ask their stylist for the very same thing: something that I can wear to my gigs but that won’t look embarrassing when I go pick the 4 year-old up from ballet class. Yup. Say no more, fam. It’s all fun and games as long as these four don’t show up at the same place at the same time. Which they never do, because their respective 4 year olds attend different ballet schools. Well, until two of them accidentally showed up together at this year’s Lunatic Fest.

Who wore it better? We honestly don’t know. We had a pretty hard time telling them apart, in the first place.

The Nose Band
Hide (X Japan) vs. Reita (The Gazette)

Is that pancakes I smell or did I drop my nose band in maple syrup again?

As we said, we don’t know the Gazette, other than that eating spaghetti makes you puke gazetti, which is an established fact, and we’re not sure why the bloke on the second picture insists on wearing that thing on his nose. Could it be that he has an atrocious congenital deformity? Nah, we got wind that he just doesn’t like his schnoz. Which is the dumbest reason we can think of to do something like that, but whatever.

Who wore it better? Do you even need to ask? Hide knew how to balance bombastic and classy like no other. Who is the other kid, again?

The Epic Mohawk
Ryuichi (Luna Sea) vs. Toshi (X Japan)

I really don't see the resemblance, do you?

We don’t know what Mr. Ryuichi was thinking when he decided to wear this hairstyle to Luna Sea’s reunion tour finale in 2011. Was he not aware of the fact that it was once Toshi’s trademark ‘do? Was he hoping no one would notice? Was he just too lazy to care? Either way, it was a huge faux pas and it was not the first time we saw him copycatting somebody else’s hairstyle. Please, Ryuichi. What are you gonna do next? Break the band? Write a cookbook? Join a cult?

Who wore it better? Our KING, of course.

The Glorious Extensions
Kamijo (Versailles) vs. Yoshiki (X Japan)

One of us is a Barbie, the other is Krissy, Barbie's knockoff cousin.

Again, dearest rockers from the Far East, take note: cosplay is only cool when it's the fans doing it. And by the way, the vampire pimp look with a background of paper flowers, burgundy velvet, black lace, ruffled white shirts and Victorian adornments has been done to death too. It was only cool around the time they made that Interview With The Vampire film adaptation of Anne Rice's book, which was around the time Yoshiki sported this look, so he's forgiven. He was doing it when it was cool and when girls were all hype about Tom Cruise in the role of a very blond, very obnoxious and very rock'n'roll vampire Lestat. Vampire Lestat was French, but he was not known to jump into the picture shouting 'BONJOUR!' with a moronic grin on his face - let that sink in, Kamijo.

Who wore it better? There is only room for one Barbie, and we all know who our favourite Barbie is. Someone hit the BONJOUR guy with a stale baguette.

The Mannequin Molesters
Hide (X Japan) vs. Sakurai (Buck-Tick)

Why so silent, honey? Am I not doing it right?

That they all swap clothes and copycat hairdos in the J-rock industry is an established fact. But did you know that they also swap chicks? Yessur, they do. Bonus points if you have a thing for inanimate wooden chicks - after all, they’re silent, submissive and PMS-free. They don't nag you when you don't notice their new haircolour and they don't threaten divorce when you leave the toilet seat up. Wooden chicks are every macho’s dream come true, hooray! We were able to locate this very wooden mannequin, who has since retired from her stage prop career and rebranded herself as a standard H&M mannequin in Thailand. According to her, the pay was better (and the #metoo movement totally helped her realise being molested by band dudes was NOT okay). Wooden chicks have feelings too. This particular one is no exception.

Who molested her better? Hide molested her first. And when Hide does something first, of course he does it better.

The Black Speedo
Yoshiki (X Japan) vs. Sugizo (Luna Sea)

Less is more, hun!

Way before hardcore veganism was cool and kids were all hype about minimalism, shia seeds and green juice cleanses, these two had already unraveled the magic formula: less cloth = less fret. Clothes are made of fibers that are potentially irritating to the skin, y’all. You don’t want to get a nasty rash. Burn those shirts, burn those slacks, no suit can compete with your birthday suit! Now serious, kids. Don’t try this look. Just… don’t. Speedos went out of style at some point in the mid-90s for a reason.

Who Wore It Better? Yoshiki. Because if you’re going to wear something weird, at least wear it out of context. Aim high. Aim for the full blown cringe. Don’t just wear it to the beach - film actual videos in those flimsy briefs! Shoot album covers in them! Go total cringe, or go home!

The Rose Petal Diva
Yoshiki (X Japan) vs. Kenji Darvish (Golden Bomber)

*American Beauty theme playing in the background*

Look away, minors. Go do your homework and stop looking at near-naked pictures of your favourite rockstars on the internet. Now serious: I don’t know Kenji. But whoever you are, Kenji, you might want to consider putting some clothes on, changing your hair, closing all your bank accounts, deleting your browser history, getting a new identity and starting a new life somewhere far away from wherever you are. Because when Yoshiki finds out about your little knockoff of his iconic 1995 shoot, he’ll wreck your life so hard you won’t know what hit you. Cool makeup, tho.

Who Wore It Better? There is only one Rose Petal Diva in Japan, and it’s not you, Kenji.

Woah, I can haz admin colour.

Offline nb

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Reply #1 on: August 03, 2018, 03:17:07 PM
I'm speechless... Very good Faden.

positively unsure。


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Reply #2 on: August 03, 2018, 04:02:21 PM
Ahahaha this is hilarious, I laughed so hard :D

Offline matsumoto

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Reply #3 on: August 04, 2018, 09:06:21 PM
Ah, damnit guys, everytime I go on Pinterest I get a massive déjà vu!

The Bright ~*~PINK!~*~ Everything
Hide (solo) + Jun (Phantasmagoria)

YEY, pink!

Thank you Morgan for this one! It’s safe to say Hide is the most copycatted artist in the history of Japanese rock. His coolness level was such that two decades after his death kids are still buying his records (guilty), making Pinterest folders of his outfits (guilty) and staring in the mirror wondering what they can do to make themselves look like the offspring of Twiggy and one of those really annoying pink Furbies (guilty AF). Sorry Jun, but the only Phantasmagoria I know is an album by The Damned. Oh, and a poem by Lewis Carroll. By the way, Carroll’s poem is about a bloke coming home to find a ghost in his room. Safe to say you’ll get a little visit from a very pissed ghost one of these days too, Jun. A pink-haired ghost ready to ransack your liquor cabinet.

Who wore it better? Hide. This iconic late 1990s shoot only goes to show how timeless his style was and how well he could balance outrageously colourful, over the top looks with the badassery you’d expect of a great metal star. The other kid is just another knockoff eyesore. Sorry kid.

The Patterned Suit
Sugizo (Luna Sea) vs. Sakurai (Buck-Tick)

Hot dad vs. Goth dad - who would win?

We can’t help but feel a little sympathy for the younger generation’s shameless copycatting of their idols. After all, when you’re an airhead in a band like Golden Bomber or The Gazette, you’d better stick to what’s been done before. But when you’ve been on this planet for five decades and released more albums than the world can stomach in one sitting, c’mon. Come on, fam. We have no way of knowing who wore this suit first, but since Sugizo is a fashion overlord who would rather lick a cockroach rather than copycatting the peers in his age range, we’re going to assume he wore it first. And he wore it with grace and class and sumptuousness and pretty much every other adjective Thesaurus has kindly suggested that we use here.

Who wore it better? Sugizo did, of course. Atsushi, we appreciate your efforts to wear something that doesn’t make you look like one of those middle-aged blokes who go to goth clubs to hit on chicks half their age and rant about that one time Peter Murphy accepted to listen to your cover band’s demo, but fam… don’t.

The Suburban Mum
Hakuei (Penicillin) vs. Dir (Dir en Grey)

I'm like, super late to yoga class, hold my fake LV bag for me?

No offense to suburban mums - suburban mums are, like all mums, heroes without the capes. But that’s all you’re getting in the form of political correctness. We have compared Die’s style to that of a haughty suburban mum before. Yup. One of those suburban mums who arrogantly ask to speak to the manager at every given opportunity while brandishing a loaded Starbucks caramel frapuccino in the face of a terrified retail cashier (see the 'can I speak to the manager starter pack'). Well. That kind of surburban mum. What we didn’t know if the insufferable suburban mum style was spreading like wildfire in Japan.

Who wore it better? Pretty hard to judge. But if Pinterest is to be trusted, Hakuei is more of a fashion biohazard, so we’ll let Die win this one. Btw, this guy Die thinks he’s ‘a facking rockstar, beetch’, just so you know.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2018, 08:56:49 AM by matsumoto »

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Offline Fluffy

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Reply #4 on: August 05, 2018, 10:31:16 PM
I love this thread! So funny!

Offline pt_93

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Reply #5 on: August 06, 2018, 06:27:12 PM
I laughed way too hard with this. It’s genius!

Offline matsumoto

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Reply #6 on: August 09, 2018, 01:49:59 PM
Wait wait wait guys. My copycat radar has spotted a new one. So after Sugizo and Sakurai, Toshi too decided to buy that rather hideous cross-patterned 3-piece suit. What on earth are they all thinking? Was the damn suit on sale or something? Do they secretly swap clothes? huh?

« Last Edit: August 09, 2018, 01:53:06 PM by matsumoto »

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Offline pt_93

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Reply #7 on: August 09, 2018, 02:22:32 PM
I think Toshi and Sugizo just borrow each other clothes, like that super over the top all studded jacket. Pls stop.